Athena (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
everlastingsoul) wrote2006-02-25 02:07 am
everlastingsoul) wrote2006-02-25 02:07 am
Entry tags:
True Fire's drabble
Also posted on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
108_sugarcubes.
Title: Fire
Fandom: Suikoden // Journeymen's Survival universe
Characters: Read and find out
Prompt: 14 - Fire (True Fire)
Word Count: 459
Rating: 13+ for mentionings of death (and angst, if you squint)
Author's Notes: This makes no sense, really. It sounds really vague because things are mentioned that would actually happen in the storyline...
Started: February 22, 2006
Finished: February 25, 2006
“Fire”
This Cain… He’s not like Kasim. He doesn’t feel, he doesn’t react. It’s like being partnered with a machine.
… But he was called a ‘project,’ wasn’t he? By the Committee, too. So he’s definitely something more than a regular Journeyer. After Kasim … they wouldn’t dare assign a normal Journeyer to me. Not out of respect to him, of course. It’s all a matter of efficiency to them.
He wears a mask -- a helmet and visor, really -- and never talks; instead I hear Sir Abel initiate … commands. So Project Cain is more like a mechanical soldier; like those Guardians that patrol the city.
… I don’t need a flesh and blood machine for a partner. Especially when I have to go up against demons like Latkje and that damn dragon lord. It’s frightening to think that I ever considered them allies.
Feh. What am I talking about? I never knew them. Those memories of them aren’t mine. They’re a side effect of the extraction process.
The Fire has memories, too. It shares those memories with me when it wants to try to argue with me that I’m actually human. It shares the crumbling of ruins in the Grasslands, of the rebuilding of a burned down village … a wedding in a castle town that had once been all but abandoned…
… Hugo made it to the wedding, I guess.
The Fire thrives on drawing these feelings from me. It wants me to reminisce in these memories that aren’t mine. I don’t know why; maybe it finds some twisted satisfaction in lying to me.
Sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes I actually consider the possibility that I’m the same person that the Fire remembers, and it drives me out of my mind. Sometimes I imagine that I’m that naïve little boy that came into possession of an old castle. Sometimes I imagine that I knew my enemies and rivals when they were sane.
Sometimes I imagine her … smiling at me as I propose.
I almost wish the extraction process had been honed enough to grant me life without memories. Then, at least, I could concentrate when I’m alone. The Fire wouldn’t be able to sway me with its flashes of memory, and I wouldn’t feel guilty using its power.
Why should I feel guilty about people that I never knew?
That little boy wouldn’t be able to do half the things I can. His skill with a sword was laughable, and his skill with runes almost nonexistent. He would jump and run away at the idea of facing vampires, dragons, and wild mantors. Thomas. Thomas Lowma.
Was he really only 16? … Am I really only 21?
Even the Fire inside me isn’t quite sure anymore.
108_sugarcubes.Title: Fire
Fandom: Suikoden // Journeymen's Survival universe
Characters: Read and find out
Prompt: 14 - Fire (True Fire)
Word Count: 459
Rating: 13+ for mentionings of death (and angst, if you squint)
Author's Notes: This makes no sense, really. It sounds really vague because things are mentioned that would actually happen in the storyline...
Started: February 22, 2006
Finished: February 25, 2006
This Cain… He’s not like Kasim. He doesn’t feel, he doesn’t react. It’s like being partnered with a machine.
… But he was called a ‘project,’ wasn’t he? By the Committee, too. So he’s definitely something more than a regular Journeyer. After Kasim … they wouldn’t dare assign a normal Journeyer to me. Not out of respect to him, of course. It’s all a matter of efficiency to them.
He wears a mask -- a helmet and visor, really -- and never talks; instead I hear Sir Abel initiate … commands. So Project Cain is more like a mechanical soldier; like those Guardians that patrol the city.
… I don’t need a flesh and blood machine for a partner. Especially when I have to go up against demons like Latkje and that damn dragon lord. It’s frightening to think that I ever considered them allies.
Feh. What am I talking about? I never knew them. Those memories of them aren’t mine. They’re a side effect of the extraction process.
The Fire has memories, too. It shares those memories with me when it wants to try to argue with me that I’m actually human. It shares the crumbling of ruins in the Grasslands, of the rebuilding of a burned down village … a wedding in a castle town that had once been all but abandoned…
… Hugo made it to the wedding, I guess.
The Fire thrives on drawing these feelings from me. It wants me to reminisce in these memories that aren’t mine. I don’t know why; maybe it finds some twisted satisfaction in lying to me.
Sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes I actually consider the possibility that I’m the same person that the Fire remembers, and it drives me out of my mind. Sometimes I imagine that I’m that naïve little boy that came into possession of an old castle. Sometimes I imagine that I knew my enemies and rivals when they were sane.
Sometimes I imagine her … smiling at me as I propose.
I almost wish the extraction process had been honed enough to grant me life without memories. Then, at least, I could concentrate when I’m alone. The Fire wouldn’t be able to sway me with its flashes of memory, and I wouldn’t feel guilty using its power.
Why should I feel guilty about people that I never knew?
That little boy wouldn’t be able to do half the things I can. His skill with a sword was laughable, and his skill with runes almost nonexistent. He would jump and run away at the idea of facing vampires, dragons, and wild mantors. Thomas. Thomas Lowma.
Was he really only 16? … Am I really only 21?
Even the Fire inside me isn’t quite sure anymore.